Things You Shouldn't Write on a Card

Ah, Valentines Day, the official day of material affection.  Numerous cards, flowers, and chocolates are exchanged between sweethearts on this day and many people find it a swell time to get engaged or married.  Commercials and ads are in full swing suggesting that their product will be the best gift for your valentine.

What I find unappealing about this whole charade is how unoriginal it all is.  It's like one giant cliché in a 24-hour period.  There are 324 other days that are probably way more meaningful to you and that special someone than February the 14th.  Aside from everyone deciding to be especially affectionate on the same day, they are all doing it the same way: Roses, chocolate, balloons, teddy bears, hearts, cupids, red and pink everywhere, ect.  Bleh

However, if you must do something on Valentines Day, please try to put your own twist on it.  Cards are the easiest things that can be very personal.  You can hand make them and write what ever you desire.  There is an art to card writing.  A good card is brief, poetic, personal, and heartwarming.  I've written up a few examples of what you shouldn't write in a card.: 

·    Sweet heart, you are so lucky to be my Valentine.

·    Roses are red . . . you know the rest

·    We are meant for each other, like a criminal in prison.

·    There are a lot of fish in the ocean but you aren't a fish. You're more like a really awesome dog.

·    I almost forgot to send this card, but my e-calendar reminds me of these little things.

·    You are the most beautiful person, on the outside.

·    I believe that love is the romanticization of the chemical reaction responsible for the procreation of our species.  I would be delusional if I said I love you, but I truly want to procreate with you.

·    You are worth a lot to me, especially your wallet

·    I owe all my joy to you and $5 for this card and the chocolates

·    I'm not inspired enough to write this card myself, that is why I bought a pre written Hallmark card to express how much I care for you.

·    Love is definitely blind

Any ways, on a serious note, your card, for whatever holiday would mean a lot more to someone the more personal it is.  If you're reading my blog you more or less likely to be a writer/ poet so this shouldn't be so hard.  Write up a memory of when you first met or a poem or if you're more artistically inclined draw something.  Make it something that only you can do and means something to the other person.  Sometimes the best gift is you.  Spending time together could be worth more than any object.

Happy Early Valentines Day,

Mandy Calvin

Do you have any (appropriate) funny things that shouldn't be in a card?  If you do please share them in the comments.

In the Arctic

I have been watching animal planet a lot recently.  Watching the simple life of animals is a refreshing break from action packed, super explosion movies drugged up on special affects.  On a few of the animal shows I found myself poking fun at the narration.  Some of the things the narrator said were melodramatic and/or cheesy.  It really took away from the sincerity of story being filmed.  I think there is a lesson in that.  When you have story, don't try to force more drama than there is.  Let it be, as the Beatles so nicely put it.  Tell the story the way it is and it will be more realistic than phony.

I hope you enjoyed my little comic and I would love for you to check out other comics, poems, and stories on this blog.  All comments and constructive criticism are welcome.

Yours Truly,

Mandy Calvin

Black Friday

Today I will be doing a fictional short short story inspired by Alana's writing prompt on Writercize (awesome blog full of writing exercises).  The prompt:

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writercize #129: "Create a dialogue centered around a question of ownership."

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We are a consuming nation.  We buy stuff we want, we need, and we get just because someone else has that same thing.  Then there’s Black Friday.  It's the single biggest day of low price sales.  However shoppers swarm to the stores like all the items were free.  Normally I just spend the day after Thanksgiving resting and eating leftovers.  So how do I find myself sitting in the car in the wee hours of the morning on November 25th, driving loops in a parking lot?  Of all the people in the world, my boyfriend caught the Black Friday Fever.  We were sitting together on the couch at his house earlier in the week and he said, “Cindy, I’m thinking about buying myself a new television set.”  I nodded affirmatively unaware of where the conversation was leading.  He carefully mentioned he knew of a great Black Friday sale on HD flat screens and DVD players.  I said it wasn’t a good idea, he artfully argued that I should come along with him.  I gave in.

We eventually found a parking space at the far edge of the lot.  We trekked across the whole parking lot to the department store entrance.  Passing the threshold of the automatic doors I was greeted with a roar of concentrated murmuring of the masses of people.  Being in the store I was suddenly grasped by a state of urgency by looking into the eyes of other shoppers rushing around with baskets of stuff.  My boyfriend seemed completely in his element with a determined look on his face. 

We decided to split up. He went to the electronics section while I browsed the women’s clothing.  I had to admit, the prices were very appealing.  I soon found myself with a handful of blouses.  I was searching through a rack of jeans slashed to the tempting price of five dollars and ninety-nine cents.  I found an adorable pair that was my size.  I lifted the hanger off the bar, but there was a resistance keeping me from pulling them off the rack.  I saw a hand grasping it on the other side.  I looked over the top of the rack and my eyes met with another woman’s.  Neither of us was letting go.  I smiled faintly, “excuse me.”

“Excuse yourself,” the other woman scoffed and pulled.

“I realize this is an awkward situation but that doesn’t mean you have to be rude.”

“Whatever, why don’t you go get yourself some other jeans.”

“This is the only pair left on this rack that are my size.”

“This is my size too.  However, you might do better by trying a size larger.”

“I beg your pardon!”

“Quick being such a stick in the mud and let go of the jeans.”  I looked over at her cart.

“You already have a lot of items, I’m sure you can do without one pair of jeans.”

“Their mine, I found them first.”

“No, I found them first.”  She gave the jeans a jerk, which I returned with a pull. Another older shopper had overheard us and commented,

“Ladies, where are you manners?”

“This is none of your business,” the other woman snapped.  The other shopper quickly withdrew from us, her sensibilities insulted.  I sighed and let go of the jeans.

“You can lose yourself over a pair of jeans.”  The other woman gave me a glare.  With the jeans she pushed her cart-full of loot away.

Collegiate Foothills

For the aspiring writer, there are many valleys and hills and other landscape metaphors that he must cross.  One decision he must make is the route he plans to take in his formal education: what college and what major.  Is it worth the investment of time and money to study creative writing in college?  do you need to? So let's look at successful writers and their decisions about their education:

• Ray Bradbury: His formal education never went farther than his high school diploma.

• Dan Brown: He graduated from Phillips Exeter, his high school, and continued into Amherst college.

• Meg Cabot: She attended Indiana University.  She made a point not to study writing there because a young man, whom would later become her husband, said that, "studying creative writing as a major sucks the love of writing out of you ". Taking his advice she studied studio art instead, however she did take a few workshops in creative writing.

• John Grogan:  Went to Central Michigan University and graduated with a double major in English and Journalism.

• Daniel Keyes: After he finished his service in the U.S. Maritime Service, he Graduated from Brooklyn college with a B.A. in Psychology.

• Stephen King: Graduated from the University of Maine with a bachelors in English.  He wrote a weekly column for his college newspaper while he studied there.

• Jean Kwok:  After moving to America from Hong Kong, Jean attended Harvard and graduated with honors in English and American Literature.  She went on to get a masters in fine arts at Columbia.

• Stephenie Meyer: Graduated from Brigham University in Utah with a bachelors in English.

• Jodi Picoult: Studied Creative writing at Princeton, then continued to get a masters in education at Harvard.

• Nicolas Sparks: He graduated from his high school as valedictorian.  Then he went to Notre Dame on a track scholarship and majored in Business finance.

Of course, there are many more writers, but from the lot we have there is an array of stories.  However, English seems to be the most popular.  Though school and learning the technicalities of writing is important, learning through life is even more important.  Even in the strangest fiction, life is the basic subject matter.  (I already wrote about learning through life in my post An Education).  Ray Bradbury, mentioned above, is very adamant about this also calling himself a "student of life".  Yet you can be a student of life and a student of the book simultaniously.  It's just that the value of learning from what's around you is often overlooked.

No writer is the same as they come from so many different types of backgrounds.  What you choose in your education will affect that.  In the end, I believe it doesn't matter what you get your degree in, so long as it's something you enjoy and if possible practical.  Because you do need some means to pay for your writing habit.  The diploma on the wall, whatever it may be, won't get you published.  It's the things you learn and apply to your writing that will.

References:
http://www.stephenking.com/the_author.html
http://www.stepheniemeyer.com/bio.html
http://www.nicholassparks.com/AboutNicholas.asp?PageID=1
http://www.megcabot.com/about-meg-cabot/frequently-asked-questions-about-meg-cabot/#college
http://www.jodipicoult.com/JodiPicoult.html#kudos
http://www.raybradbury.com/bio.html
http://www.danbrown.com/
http://www.jeankwok.com/author.shtml
http://www.johngroganbooks.com/marley/about.html
http://www.danielkeyesauthor.com/dksbio.html

Shoes with Toes and Writing Prose

   So the other day I was at a friend's house and we were eating lunch.  I happen to glance under the kitchen table to see her wearing the oddest pair of tennis shoes I ever saw.  The shoes looked like a pair of water shoes but molded to the shape of her foot, toes and all.  I immediately questioned her about them.  She smiled and casually explained they were the latest in running shoe apparel.  My friend is a dedicated morning jogger and fitness fanatic, so she's into that type of stuff.  Yet, I still don't know why she was wearing them in the kitchen.  She continued to give me a sales pitch about her foot's fashion statement.  The regular tennis shoe, though is soft on the feet, isn't very soft on joints in your hips and knees.  See, the human foot in biologically designed to run and support our body and absorb shock instead of our hips and joints.  The regular tennis shoe inhibits the foot from doing what it does naturally and it causes unnecessary wear and tear on joints and hips.  With this new design it's like running bare foot, but better.  That's what she said anyways.
   So how did I apply the mechanics of the shoe to writing?  Ever writer has a voice in which they share their ideas, whether that be through poetry or prose.  Some would call it a person's writing style but I prefer to call it a writing voice.  No one can tell you what you voice is like and it doesn't appear on demand once you begin the road to being a writer.  You alone must spend the large amount of time strengthening your voice.  It's frustrating.
   The worst mistake a new writer can make is copy another writer's unique style.  It doesn't work because that's not their voice.  In the end they just mix up their writing into gibberish and their writing was worse than it was before.  Studying another author's voice and mimicking it are two separate things.  So like the way the shoe conforms to the natural shape of the foot so must a person's writing conform to their natural style and not someone else's.


   Have you ever mimicked another author's voice? How did that go? Have you ever worn these strange shoes with toes? My next post is going to be my 50th post. Are there any ideas of something special I can do?

Life is a Beach

   Hello from the beach. I've recently taken a trip to the west coast as a start for my summer. It's cloudy and the breeze from the Pacific is chilly, but it's been a great trip. Today's picture is of a little art project I created in the sand. I prowled the surf for little stones and broken shells to form a picture of a sun umbrella by the ocean.
    I think travel is a great opportunity for writers and people in general. Going out and seeing the world adds to your treasure trove of memories and experience to use in your writing or life. Of course you don't need to hop on a plane and travel into the jungles of Africa. Taking a closer look at the environment around you, obverse the people in the local deli, sit in your back yard and watch the squirrels, or just pondering on the mysteries of life can broaden your view. Life is the greatest inspiration and it can give you the greatest tools for any creative person. Harper Lee wrote To Kill a Mockingbird based off of her home town, friends, family, and seemingly the Scottsboro trials. Another example: my little arrangement in the sand. I used what the beach had to offer to create a lovely design. Savour everything life has to offer, because the world is constantly changing and is never precisely the same.